Where Had I Vanished?
No, I wasn't abducted by aliens.
Nor was I whisked off to Hogwarts or Camp Half-Blood.
(I wish that would have happened!)
I'm too busy trying to know myself and adjusting in a new school (here, they call it 'junior college'. But for your sake - and mine - I wish to call it school!). I'm learning new stuff and the environment in my new school sucks. Everyone is so bloody competitive and you gotta work your butt off if you wish to be "at the top!"
Unfortunately, since I'd been in the same school for ten years, it was difficult to adjust to the new surroundings. None of my old school's friends were there and more than half the kids came from different boards of education.
It was tough to adjust to the new curriculum and new people. The kids were so starkly different from the ones I'd hung out with at school. They were like, super-smart and being in the presence of such... such brilliant kids made me feel insecure.
It wasn't just that.
I felt like I was micro-analyzing every single word I uttered. It was horrible, to say the least. Each interaction with those kids was so wildly calculated. Do they like reading? Do they fangirl about Percabeth like I do? Do they cry whenever they read about Gus's death in TFIOS like I do?
Were they like me in any way?
I don't go to any extra classes for my new subjects. I'm heavily reliant on my teachers and a little bit, on myself. The others, however, had backups. So they COULD go ahead and skive off a lot of lectures.
Me? I had to stay and practically everyone shot weird looks at me, as if I was from an alien planet. And not in a nice way.
On the other hand, I joined Wattpad and posted a bunch of stuff. The worst part was, nobody bothered to look into it and then I glanced at my blog. Hardly anyone saw it.
I felt like I was losing faith in my writing skills.
It was extremely horrible. I couldn't read too much. I felt like I was a charlatan, proclaiming that I could write when I couldn't! Then there were some personal problems, which was all the more scary.
I felt like was this one-dimensional nerd who hardly knew anything except swotting!
More than anything, I hated it that people were labeling me! They were like, she's such a nerd! and how can you study so much?
I had no clue about what I wished to do with my life and the fact that I was losing faith in something which I loved made it a thousand times worse.
Don't get me wrong. It's not a wrong thing to be studious. But labeling people is not nice. It's extremely unfair.
But finally, I started adjusting to the situation. I made new friends, who are really awesome and don't feel shy to criticize me on my face!
I learnt to embrace myself again.
Nope, I'm not the hottest-looking girl in class. I like studying. I like gossiping with my grandma. I love kids (not babies, kids). I love talking. I love reading books, the smell, the hypnotic words and the satisfaction you gain from reading.
Most of all, I love writing. I love the way I get lost in something I am passionate about. I love learning new stuff about writing. I love it how I can pour out my frustrations, channelize my anger into something productive.
The conclusion is: Whenever you're in a new place, you'll be nervous. You'll be scared about fitting in and knowing new people. You will be desperate to carve your niche and it will be in extremely difficult. It doesn't matter if you're talkative and a very friendly person. The whole process to adjust to a new situation is tough. So, don't lose your heart like I did. Don't lose faith in yourself. Be brave, be strong. People will label you, but you need to surge ahead and make new friends, who will accept the way you are.
Finally, accept yourself the way you are. Change your negative aspects into positive ones. Look at your life from an optimistic (though slightly opportunistic) perspective. You'll automatically gain happiness.
Archie (finally changed my username! It's an anagram of my real name with an extra letter!)